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Text corrections and addition of proper names for several school friends to reduce confusion

KevinSmarts 8 anni fa
parent
commit
4a8c456092
1 ha cambiato i file con 63 aggiunte e 63 eliminazioni
  1. 63 63
      locations/alterStart

+ 63 - 63
locations/alterStart

@@ -96,7 +96,7 @@ brotherDick = rand(13, 17)
 
 $npcName[1] = 'Dimka'
 $npcSurName[1] = 'Nosov'
-$npcText[1] = 'Dimka is a cute guy and all the girls adore him.'
+$npcText[1] = 'Dimka (Dmitriy) Nosov is a cute guy and all the girls adore him.'
 grupNPC[1] = 50
 npcPol[1] = 0
 grupTipe[1] = 3
@@ -104,7 +104,7 @@ $npcGo[1] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 1 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[1]>> <<$npcSurNa
 
 $npcName[2] = 'Artem'
 $npcSurName[2] = 'Chebotarev'
-$npcText[2] = 'Artem is a typical nerd, but not a bad looking one.'
+$npcText[2] = 'Artem (Artyom) Chebotarev is a typical nerd, but not a bad looking one.'
 grupNPC[2] = 50
 npcPol[2] = 0
 grupTipe[2] = 1
@@ -112,7 +112,7 @@ $npcGo[2] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 2 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[2]>> <<$npcSurNa
 
 $npcName[3] = 'Ivan'
 $npcSurName[3] = 'Prokhorov'
-$npcText[3] = 'Ivan is an excellent athlete, who is able to succeed in any sport.'
+$npcText[3] = 'Ivan Prokhorov is an excellent athlete, who is able to succeed in any sport. He''s mostly into boxing and running right now.'
 grupNPC[3] = 50
 npcPol[3] = 0
 grupTipe[3] = 2
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ $npcGo[3] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 3 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[3]>> <<$npcSurNa
 
 $npcName[4] = 'Igor'
 $npcSurName[4] = 'Kruglov'
-$npcText[4] = 'Igor Kruglov is a friend of Dimka and they are always together.'
+$npcText[4] = 'Igor Kruglov is your classmate, and Dimka''s best friends. Whenever you see one of them, the other is usually not far away.'
 grupNPC[4] = 50
 npcPol[4] = 0
 grupTipe[4] = 3
@@ -128,7 +128,7 @@ $npcGo[4] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 4 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[4]>> <<$npcSurNa
 
 $npcName[5] = 'Fedor'
 $npcSurName[5] = 'Kozlov'
-$npcText[5] = 'Fedor is not a bad athlete and he''s best friends with Ivan.'
+$npcText[5] = 'Fedor (Fyodor) Kozlov is a decent athlete. He often trains with his good friend Ivan, but lacks the level of talent that Ivan does have.'
 grupNPC[5] = 50
 npcPol[5] = 0
 grupTipe[5] = 2
@@ -136,7 +136,7 @@ $npcGo[5] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 5 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[5]>> <<$npcSurNa
 
 $npcName[6] = 'Petka'
 $npcSurName[6] = 'Klyuyev'
-$npcText[6] = 'Petka is a nerd and can''t see beyond his textbook.'
+$npcText[6] = 'Petka (Peter) Klyuyev is a nerd who usually doesn''t look far beyond his textbook. He''s good friends with Artem.'
 grupNPC[6] = 50
 npcPol[6] = 0
 grupTipe[6] = 1
@@ -151,16 +151,16 @@ grupTipe[7] = -1
 $npcGo[7] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 7 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[7]>> <<$npcSurName[7]>></a>'
 
 $npcName[8] = 'Svyatoslav'
-$npcSurName[8] = 'Cossacks'
-$npcText[8] = 'Svyatoslav is a athletic guy, who is persistently engaged in sports.'
+$npcSurName[8] = 'Voinov'
+$npcText[8] = 'Svyatoslav Voinov is a athletic guy, with a very competitive spirit. He is always engaged in sports, one way or another.'
 grupNPC[8] = 50
 npcPol[8] = 0
 grupTipe[8] = 2
 $npcGo[8] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 8 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[8]>> <<$npcSurName[8]>></a>'
 
 $npcName[9] = 'Vitek'
-$npcSurName[9] = 'Cats'
-$npcText[9] = 'Vitek is aggressive and a strong guy, who considers himself a gangsta. But his personality is pretty much see-through. Lena is his twin-sister.'
+$npcSurName[9] = 'Kotov'
+$npcText[9] = 'Vitek (Viktor) Kotov is an aggressive and strong guy, who considers himself a gangsta. But his personality is pretty much see-through. Lena is his twin-sister.'
 grupNPC[9] = 50
 npcPol[9] = 0
 grupTipe[9] = 4
@@ -168,7 +168,7 @@ $npcGo[9] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 9 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[9]>> <<$npcSurNa
 
 $npcName[10] = 'Dan'
 $npcSurName[10] = 'Ryzhov'
-$npcText[10] = 'Dan is a tall and skinny guy who communicates to others with contempt and is always ready to expand on the concept. Also, according to him, Dan knows the boys to clear the area, which if anything, harness oneself for it.'
+$npcText[10] = 'Dan (Denis) Ryzhov is a tall and skinny guy, who usually communicates to others with disdain and contempt. He''s a very stubborn guy who will never let an argument go. He''s best friends with Vitek and Vasily, and can be considered the smartest one of the three.'
 grupNPC[10] = 50
 npcPol[10] = 0
 grupTipe[10] = 4
@@ -176,7 +176,7 @@ $npcGo[10] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 10 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[10]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[11] = 'Vasily'
 $npcSurName[11] = 'Shulgin'
-$npcText[11] = 'Vasily is always with Dan and Vitek, mostly watching their six, but Vitek makes continuous fun of him.'
+$npcText[11] = 'Vasily is always with Dan and Vitek, who are his best friends. His nickname is Shulga. He''s physically the weakest one of the three, but is a bit of a prankster and always makes the others laugh. He was raised by just his father, after his mother left when he was still an infant.'
 grupNPC[11] = 50
 npcPol[11] = 0
 grupTipe[11] = 4
@@ -184,7 +184,7 @@ $npcGo[11] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 11 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[11]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[12] = 'Julia'
 $npcSurName[12] = 'Milov'
-$npcText[12] = 'Julia is a diligent and silent girl. She''s a really nerdy and almost no one talks to her.'
+$npcText[12] = 'Julia is a diligent and silent girl. She''s very nerdy, and doesn''t really have any friends in school.'
 grupNPC[12] = 50
 npcPol[12] = 1
 grupTipe[12] = 1
@@ -192,7 +192,7 @@ $npcGo[12] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 12 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[12]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[13] = 'Lariska'
 $npcSurName[13] = 'Gruzdeva'
-$npcText[13] = 'Lariska is a very sportive girl, but is very dependent on other people''s opinions.'
+$npcText[13] = 'Lariska is a very athletic girl, with an exceptional talent for volleyball. She has a very weak personality though, and is very dependent on other people''s opinions of her.'
 grupNPC[13] = 50
 npcPol[13] = 1
 grupTipe[13] = 2
@@ -200,7 +200,7 @@ $npcGo[13] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 13 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[13]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[14] = 'Katja'
 $npcSurName[14] = 'Meynold'
-$npcText[14] = 'Katja is a hot, but impulsive girl. Vick is her twin-sister.'
+$npcText[14] = 'Katja is a very attractive redhead, with a special interest in fashion and cosmetics. She can also be rather impulsive. Vicky is her twin sister.'
 grupNPC[14] = 50
 npcPol[14] = 1
 grupTipe[14] = 3
@@ -208,7 +208,7 @@ $npcGo[14] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 14 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[14]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[15] = 'Vicky'
 $npcSurName[15] = 'Meynold'
-$npcText[15] = 'Vicky is a very sensible girl. Katja is her twin sister.'
+$npcText[15] = 'Vicky (Viktoriya) Meynold is a very sensible girl. Katja is her twin sister.'
 grupNPC[15] = 50
 npcPol[15] = 1
 grupTipe[15] = 3
@@ -216,7 +216,7 @@ $npcGo[15] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 15 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[15]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[16] = 'Natasha'
 $npcSurName[16] = 'Belova'
-$npcText[16] = 'Natasha is an excellent student, but she barely speaks to anyone.'
+$npcText[16] = 'Natasha is an excellent student. Her parents are very poor though, and it shows: Natasha is always dressed in second-hand clothes and can never afford to do anything fun. As a result, she doesn''t have many friends.'
 grupNPC[16] = 50
 npcPol[16] = 1
 grupTipe[16] = 1
@@ -224,7 +224,7 @@ $npcGo[16] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 16 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[16]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[17] = 'Inna'
 $npcSurName[17] = 'Devyatova'
-$npcText[17] = 'Inna is a tall and pretty girl, her sweet smile hides her arrogance.'
+$npcText[17] = 'Inna (Irina) Devyatova is a tall and pretty girl, and she knows it. She has a very arrogant and haughty personality hidden behind her sweet smile.'
 grupNPC[17] = 50
 npcPol[17] = 1
 grupTipe[17] = 3
@@ -232,7 +232,7 @@ $npcGo[17] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 17 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[17]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[18] = 'Christina'
 $npcSurName[18] = 'Zvereva'
-$npcText[18] = 'Christina tall and strong girl. She''s a great athlete and has leadership abilities who, together with her tenacity and intelligence make it a very serious figure.'
+$npcText[18] = 'Christina is one of your school''s best athletes, and is the strongest girl you know. She also has leadership abilities that, together with her tenacity and intelligence, make her have a dominant presence wherever she goes.'
 grupNPC[18] = 50
 npcPol[18] = 1
 grupTipe[18] = 2
@@ -240,7 +240,7 @@ $npcGo[18] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 18 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[18]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[19] = 'Lina'
 $npcSurName[19] = 'Starov'
-$npcText[19] = 'Lina is an athlete who does anything Christina wants.'
+$npcText[19] = 'Lina (Avelina) Starov is a mediocre athlete. She''s sort of Christina''s friend... that is: she usually does anything Christina wants her to do.'
 grupNPC[19] = 50
 npcPol[19] = 1
 grupTipe[19] = 2
@@ -248,7 +248,7 @@ $npcGo[19] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 19 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[19]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[20] = 'Lena'
 $npcSurName[20] = 'Kotova'
-$npcText[20] = 'She''s the twin-sister to Vitek. She is aggressive too and best of friends with Lera. Both tend to smoke in the bathrooms on a regular basis.'
+$npcText[20] = 'Lena (Yelena) Kotova is Vitek''s twin sister. Just like her brother, she too has a chip on her shoulder and can be aggressive and unpredictable. She''s best friends with Lera, and they can often be found together smoking in the school''s restrooms.'
 grupNPC[20] = 50
 npcPol[20] = 1
 grupTipe[20] = 4
@@ -256,7 +256,7 @@ $npcGo[20] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 20 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[20]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[21] = 'Lera'
 $npcSurName[21] = 'Tsarev'
-$npcText[21] = 'Lera comes from a poor family, she quickly made friends with Lena and both are regulary smoking on the toilets.'
+$npcText[21] = 'Lera (Valeria) Tsarev comes from a poor family, her father works at the school as a teacher. She''s best friends with Lena, and they can often be found together smoking in the school''s restrooms.'
 grupNPC[21] = 50
 npcPol[21] = 1
 grupTipe[21] = 4
@@ -264,7 +264,7 @@ $npcGo[21] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 21 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[21]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[22] = 'Bella'
 $npcSurName[22] = 'Artamonov'
-$npcText[22] = 'Bella is a beautiful and arrogant girl.'
+$npcText[22] = 'Bella is a beautiful and arrogant girl. You don''t know her very well.'
 grupNPC[22] = 50
 npcPol[22] = 1
 grupTipe[22] = 2
@@ -272,7 +272,7 @@ $npcGo[22] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 22 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[22]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[23] = 'Albina'
 $npcSurName[23] = 'Barlovskaya'
-$npcText[23] = 'Albina from a wealthy family and always knew how to look good and dress well.'
+$npcText[23] = 'Albina comes from a wealthy family. She always does her best to look and dress well, and is an excellent dancer.'
 grupNPC[23] = 50
 npcPol[23] = 1
 grupTipe[23] = 3
@@ -280,7 +280,7 @@ $npcGo[23] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 23 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[23]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[24] = 'Pauline'
 $npcSurName[24] = 'Sebagotulina'
-$npcText[24] = 'Pauline like pain in the ass who does not let her sit still, she and dvoechnitsa hooligan.'
+$npcText[24] = 'Pauline is a bit of a wild child; she''s very unpredictable. She often hangs out with the Gopniks in your class.'
 grupNPC[24] = 50
 npcPol[24] = 1
 grupTipe[24] = 4
@@ -289,7 +289,7 @@ $npcGo[24] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 24 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[24]>> <<$npcSu
 $npcName[25] = 'Sonia'
 $npcSurName[25] = 'Ivanko'
 !!$npcText[25] = 'Sonia once inadvertently drunk and fucked her in a circle Witek Kotov and his friends. After that, the girls shunned Sonya, and the boys thought she was a whore. Local gopota regularly drove to Sonia proposals have sex.'
-$npcText[25] = 'Sonia an ordinary girl.'
+$npcText[25] = 'Sonia is an ordinary girl-next-door; no great student, but no poor student either. She gets along okay with a lot of your classmates, but doesn''t seem to be particularly friendly with any of them.'
 grupNPC[25] = 50
 npcPol[25] = 1
 grupTipe[25] = 0
@@ -297,7 +297,7 @@ $npcGo[25] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 25 & gt ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[25]>> <<$npcSu
 
 $npcName[26] = 'Anatoly E.'
 $npcSurName[26] = 'Tsarev'
-$npcText[26] = 'Your school math teacher. A rigorous and demanding. His daughter Lera studying with you in the classroom. His wife Larissa, works as a cleaner in the factory and train station.'
+$npcText[26] = 'Your school''s math teacher. He''s a stern teacher, who always demands the best out of his students. His daughter Lera is in your class. He''s married to Vera, who works at the train station as a ticket saleswoman and as a cleaner in the garment factory.'
 grupNPC[26] = 0
 npcPol[26] = 1
 $npcGo[26] = '<a href="exec:numnpc = 26 & GT ''Snpc''"><<$npcName[26]>> <<$npcSurName[26]>></a>'
@@ -307,12 +307,12 @@ $din_alter_start_ev15 = {
 	gs 'fight', 'Wrestlergen'
 	if mesec > 0:isprok = 1
 	'<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart7.jpg"></center>'
-	'As with all girls, you reached the milestone of puberty. For you it started when you were 13 years old, like most normal girls. You had your first period, which sucked, but that was the start of your changes.'
+	'As with all girls, you reached the milestone of puberty two years ago. Like it does for most girls, it started for you when you were 13 years old. You had your first period, which sucked... but that was the start of your changes.'
 	*nl
-	'Your chest then felt strange and you discovered your breasts were growing, which excited you, wondering how big they will get. Hair also began to form in your armpits and privates, and at the same time, you felt... things, things you learned to become intimate with. You eventually learned how to manage your developing body, your troublesome complexion included, and survived the transition to womanhood.'
+	'Your chest then felt strange and you discovered your breasts were growing! This excited you: how big will they be when you grow up? Hair also began to form in your armpits and groin, and at the same time you felt... things, intimate things. Over time you learned to appreciate these feelings, and how to manage your developing body. Your troublesome skin complexion remains an issue though.'
 	*nl
-	'When you finished 9th grade, you decided yo continue with your secondary education. The summer holiday ends soon and you''re getting ready to start 10th grade.'
-	!!'You weaned these two classes and you only have a few months before graduation.'
+	'When you finished 9th grade, you decided to continue with your secondary education. Two more years of school to go, but first: it''s time for the summer holiday!'
+	'<i>You can decide to begin your game at the end of the summer holiday, very close to starting the new school year. Alternatively, you can start at the beginning of the holiday.</i>'
 
 	act 'Start at the end of August <B>(recommended for new players)</B>':
 		age=15
@@ -339,7 +339,7 @@ $din_alter_start_ev15 = {
 		end
 	end
 
-	act 'Start at the begining of June':
+	act 'Start at the beginning of June':
 		age=15
 		vidage=14
 		birthyear = year-age
@@ -376,9 +376,9 @@ $din_alter_start_ev = {
 	gs 'fight', 'Wrestlergen'
 	if mesec > 0:isprok = 1
 	'<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart7.jpg"></center>'
-	'Your 13th year began like most other girls in your class. You occasionally got sick, you grew breasts, armpit and pubic hair. Your skin became greesy and you got pimples. When you finished with 9th grade you stayed in school, continuing on to tenth grade.'
-	'After a quiet tenth grade you spent your summer in the town of Pavlovsky. Soon the holidays came to an end and you returned to school, where you will spend your last year of study.'
-	!'You weaned these two classes and you only have a few months before graduation.'
+	'Your 13th year began like it did for most other girls in your class: you occasionally got sick, you started to grow breasts, armpit and pubic hair. Your skin became very greasy and you have a pretty bad case of acne. You did your best in school, and managed to get very decent results. Only one more year of school left before you graduate!'
+	'But first: it''s time for a well-deserved holiday!'
+	'<i>You can decide to begin your game at the end of the summer holiday, very close to beginning your final school year. Alternatively, you can start at the beginning of the holiday.</i>'
 
 	act 'Start at the end of August <B>(recommended for new players)</B>':
 		SHOWSTAT 1
@@ -401,7 +401,7 @@ $din_alter_start_ev = {
 		end
 	end
 	
-	act 'Start at the begining of June':
+	act 'Start at the beginning of June':
 		SHOWSTAT 1
 		SHOWOBJS 1
         bikini=1
@@ -445,10 +445,9 @@ $d_gtipe={
 clr
 gs 'stat'
 '<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart1.jpg"></center>'
-'You were born in <<birthyear>>.'
-'Your mother and father, Natasha and Mikhail <<$surname>>, were quite young and probably didn''t intend to have children when they did.'
-'You have a sister, Anya, who is 2 years older than you.'
-'You do not remember your real father because your parents divorced when you were still very young. Your mom found another man and together they had your little brother Kolka.'
+'You were born in <<birthyear>>. You have a sister, Anya, who is 2 years older than you.'
+'Your mother is Natasha <<$surname>>. You don''t know much about your biological father... your mother never wants to talk about him, or why he left you and Anya with her.'
+'Your mother found another man not too long after her and your biological father and her divorced, Vladimir Mikhailovich Scriabin. Together they had your little brother Kolka. Even though he''s not your real father, Vladimir always treated you and Anya as if they were his own children.'
 $name = input("What is your first name? (Leave blank for default)")
 
 if $name = '':$name = 'Svetlana'
@@ -463,15 +462,15 @@ $nickname = input("What is your nick name? (Note: If you chose a custom name, yo
 if $nickname = '':$nickname = 'Sveta'
 !!!
 
-act 'Further':
+act 'Continue':
 	cls
 
 	'<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart2.jpg"></center>'
-	'When you were young you had a fine childhood. Although you don''t remember much from kindergarten, you do remember going to elementary school when you were 7 years old.'
+	'You had a pleasant, undisturbed childhood when you were young. Although you don''t remember much from kindergarten, you do remember going to elementary school when you were 7 years old.'
 	*nl
-	'Like many other kids, you tried out all sort of things at school. But the one thing that really defined you is...'
+	'Like many other kids you tried out all sort of things at school, exploring your interests. But the one thing that really defines you is...'
 
-	act 'I was completely obsessed with books':
+	act 'I am completely obsessed with books!':
 		cls
 		clr
 		stren = 1
@@ -497,13 +496,13 @@ act 'Further':
 		cheapB[10] = bedra
 		cheapB[15] = bedra
 		'<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart3.jpg"></center>'
-		'You spent virtually all your free time at home reading books. While you''ve definitely learned a decent bit from them, you''ve always been rather frail as a result, and too many nights of trying to read in poor light have taken a toll on your eyesight.'
+		'While you were growing up, you spent virtually all your free time at home, reading books. While you have gained a lot of knowledge from reading books, your lack of exercise as a child has left your body rather frail. The long nights of trying to read in poor light have taken a toll on your eyesight as well, so you now need glasses to be able to read.'
 
-		act 'Start last year of school aged 16 / 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
-		act 'Start penultimate year of school aged 15 / 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
+		act 'Begin at the last year of school, age 16 or 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
+		act 'Begin at the second-last year of school, age 15 or 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
 	end
 		
-	act 'I was queen of the nerds':
+	act 'I am the queen of the nerds!':
 		cls
 		clr
 		stren = 1
@@ -535,13 +534,13 @@ act 'Further':
 		cheapB[10] = bedra
 		cheapB[15] = bedra
 		'<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart4.jpg"></center>'
-		'You almost all his free time to spend at home for lessons and reading in his spare time. The result is increased but remained frail and sickly girl in poor health. Because of the books you have spoiled your vision but scores were at the height of.'
+		'While you were growing up, you spent virtually all your free time at home, reading books. While you have gained a huge amount of knowledge from reading books, your total lack of interest in exercising as a child has left your body very frail and sickly. The long nights of trying to read in poor light have taken a toll on your eyesight as well, so you now need glasses to be able to read.'
 
-		act 'Start last year of school aged 16 / 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
-		act 'Start penultimate year of school aged 15 / 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
+		act 'Begin at the last year of school, age 16 or 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
+		act 'Begin at the second-last year of school, age 15 or 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
 	end
 
-	act 'I was a good student':
+	act 'I am a good student':
 		cls
 		clr
 		fat = 150
@@ -563,13 +562,13 @@ act 'Further':
 		cheapB[10] = bedra
 		cheapB[15] = bedra
 		'<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart4.jpg"></center>'
-		'In school, you put a lot of effort to be an excellent pupil. You didn''t make any friends because you weren''t engaged in sports, but you have excellent grades and your mom is very proud of you.'
+		'You were always a bit of a teacher''s pet, trying to absorb every bit of knowledge and doing everything you could to excel in school. While this attitude has gained you a lot of respect, it did not earn you a lot of friends, and you never had time for sports. You have excellent grades though, and your mother is very proud of you.'
 
-		act 'Start last year of school aged 16 / 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
-		act 'Start penultimate year of school aged 15 / 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
+		act 'Begin at the last year of school, age 16 or 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
+		act 'Begin at the second-last year of school, age 15 or 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
 	end
 
-	act 'I was actively engaged in volleyball':
+	act 'I am an avid volleyball player!':
 		cls
 		clr
 		stren = 25
@@ -597,13 +596,13 @@ act 'Further':
 		cheapB[10] = bedra
 		cheapB[15] = bedra
 		'<center><img src="images/pic/alterstart5.jpg"></center>'
-		'As soon as you tried out volleyball you got really into it and spent all your free time improving your skills in the sport. Because of that you weren''t that good in school and had less friends.'
+		'Ever since you first tried volleyball, you have been in love with the sport. You spent a lot of your free time trying to get better at it, and it paid off: you''re actually quite good now! However, your obsession with volleyball has had some repercussions on your school performance; you''re a sub-par student, and you haven''t made many friends.'
 
-		act 'Start last year of school aged 16 / 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
-		act 'Start penultimate year of school aged 15 / 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
+		act 'Begin at the last year of school, age 16 or 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
+		act 'Begin at the second-last year of school, age 15 or 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
 	end
 
-	act 'I mostly played outside, with my friends':
+	act 'I have a lot of friends!':
 		cls
 		clr
 		stren = 10
@@ -622,12 +621,13 @@ act 'Further':
 		gs'stat'
 		cheapB[10] = bedra
 		cheapB[15] = bedra
-		'You spent almost all your free time outdoors playing with other girls and boys. As a result, you know how to get yourself out of trouble. You aren''t interested in School and sports.'
+		'You spent most of your childhood outdoors, playing with other girls and boys. As a result, you''re quite healthy and are pretty strong verbally, knowing how to get yourself out of trouble. However, you were never very interested in school or sports, and are only a sub-par student.'
 
-		act 'Start last year of school aged 16 / 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
-		act 'Start penultimate year of school aged 15 / 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
+		act 'Begin at the last year of school, age 16 or 17':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev
+		act 'Begin at the second-last year of school, age 15 or 16':dynamic $din_alter_start_ev15
 	end
 
 end
+
 --- alterStart ---------------------------------